Common Does Not Mean Normal: The Symptoms You Have Been Filing Away
If you have been filing something away as the price of being a woman, this issue is for you.
Where have you been all my life?
Over years of practice, I kept hearing a version of the same question. Where have you been when my marriage was falling apart because I could not participate in intimacy? Where have you been when I was wearing a Depends to a fitness class? Where have you been in my postpartum year, when my body would not support me and I did not know what to do about it?
Those women were not asking for miracles. They were asking why no one had ever asked. I created Aylara Pelvic Health because I wanted my clinic to be the last stop someone had to make to get real answers. If you have ever walked out of an appointment still holding a symptom nobody inquired about, this issue is for you.
— Bree
Common is not the same as permanent
For much of medical history, research and treatment were built around male biology. Medications have only been studied on women in relatively recent decades. But women's bodies are not on a daily rhythm. They cycle, on average, about every 28 days, with meaningful variation from person to person, and that hormonal complexity changes how symptoms show up over time.
When care is designed around a different physiology, it becomes easy for a woman's concern to get flattened into you're just a woman, you've just had a baby, or it's perimenopause. Each of those describes how common something is. None of them describes whether it can be evaluated, understood, or helped.
What your body may be communicating
Here is one way to sort what you are noticing, without deciding anything alone.
EXPECTED CHANGE
Your body moves through distinct seasons
In the twenties, questions often center on periods, fertility, and preparing for pregnancy. Pregnancy and postpartum bring major physiological change, and with adequate guidance a body can become stronger through that process. In perimenopause and menopause, women may notice vaginal dryness, tissues that feel less flexible, or discomfort with intimacy. Change across seasons is expected. Enduring discomfort in silence is not the same thing.
WORTH A CONVERSATION
The symptoms you have learned not to mention
Debilitating period pain. Pain with intimacy that quietly strains a marriage. Leaking during a workout. Bowel or bladder changes that feel too private to say out loud. Back and hip pain that makes chasing a toddler feel impossible. These are common, and they are worth discussing with a pelvic health physical therapist or another qualified clinician who can assess them directly.
REMEMBER
Two kinds of expertise in one room
The name Aylara comes from Ayla, the Turkish word for moonlight and the halo around the moon, paired with Ara for a woman's own inner light. You are the expert in your body. A clinician brings training and clinical knowledge. Together, those two forms of expertise are more useful than either one alone.
TRY THIS ONCE A DAY THIS WEEK
Write the list you have never handed anyone
This is not an exercise. It is an act of noticing and naming, and it takes about a minute.
- 1Write down one thing your body did today that you would normally minimize, including bladder, bowel, period, or intimacy concerns.
- 2Next to it, write the sentence you have used to explain it away, such as I've had kids or that's just my cycle. Notice whether that sentence came from you or from someone else.
- 3Add one question you would want a provider to answer about it, such as what are all of my options, including conservative care.
At the end of the week you will have a list, not a loose pile of things you carry alone. Bring that list to your next appointment and read it out loud.
Why I Created Aylara Pelvic Health
A solo episode with Bree Allred
A few ideas worth carrying with you into your next appointment.
- You should not have to start your story over When providers communicate with one another, you do not repeat your history at every new door. It is fair to ask whether your clinicians are talking to each other so your care reflects the whole picture.
- Ask for the full menu Before agreeing to a single path, ask what your complete range of options is, which may include physical therapy, supportive devices, and surgical routes, so you can choose what aligns with your values.
- The body is not in silos One provider handles bowels, another the bladder, another the reproductive organs, while your body keeps functioning as one connected system. Care that pulls the picture back together can change what you understand about your symptoms.
What have you been calling normal because someone once told you it was?
Sit with that for a moment without arguing yourself out of it. Trust your intuition when something feels off, and keep asking until someone helps you understand why. Being heard is not a luxury. It is the beginning of good care.
Bring us the thing you have been carrying
If you have been living with a symptom because you were told it was simply part of being a woman, an evaluation can help you understand what is happening and what your options may be. We can also connect you with other specialists when that is the right next step.
Request an appointment